Pleasure at any age............
I was recently interviewed on a panel of Blueprint Breakthrough™ Coaches about Sexuality and Aging.
We had lots of fun and many vulnerable moments.
We spoke about the myths around sexuality and aging, and how the Blueprints™ have impacted our Erotic lives.
There is no one size fits all.
We all agreed that you can have the best sex of your life in your later years!
There was lots of wisdom shared.
I now have more of a quiet confidence of who I am as a sexual being.
Pleasure Waves coaching utilises Jade Eggs, a type of Yoni Egg, with clients to deeply dive into the Erotic Blueprints. Utilising Jade Eggs can create new levels of connection with your yoni (vulva/vagina) and all it’s delicious structures!
My personal experience as a post-menopausal woman maintaining the health of my yoni is foremost in my mind.
I have learned blood flow is of the upmost importance for healthy tissue. Incorporating pleasure as I create engorgement takes away any element of this being a chore. Yoni Eggs have been central to this!
Yoni Eggs have increased the sensitivity of my yoni to pleasure, making me much more aware of the various structures and their responses to stimulation. It has dramatically increased the natural lubrication and enhanced the elasticity.
Jade Eggs are a great tool for creating Pleasure Waves, leading to yoni/vulval/vaginal health and vitality.
Jade Eggs are deeply grounding. Each crystal used in Yoni Eggs has its own unique quality.
My preference is undrilled eggs as they are easy to clean. (Drilled eggs can be used with a string.)
Jade is less fragile and less porous than some other materials used in Yoni Eggs.
Only use eggs that have been created specifically for internal use to ensure there are no unwanted chemicals present.
Sex, Love & goop
Every cell in your body is wired for pleasure!
Laugh AND Cry: Your Sensational Journey TO Erotic Freedom
As a Blueprint Coach I see my clients experience enormous expansion as they embrace their Blueprint. The expansion comes in many forms. You may recognise some of these for yourself: feeling seen, empowered, able to relax into your true self, being able to ask for what you truly want to name a few.
For some of you knowing your Blueprint is the realisation that you are not who you thought you are! Your bodies responses belie the stories you have told yourself about yourself. This is massive expansion! As an example, to realise that you are deep down Kinky BP™ when you believed you were a Sexual BP™ or a Sensual BP™ is an enormous expansion of awareness. This is the power of the Blueprints.
Part of my work as a coach is to help my clients navigate the contraction that inevitably comes. For many this comes somewhere around module 4 or 5. This can appear as resistance – no longer doing the homework, feeling like cancelling their coaching call, not feeling ready, stopping watching the EBBC.
If this has happened to you, know that you are not alone! Navigating your way through this is where the rewards lie. Being aware of your resistance is a huge start. Making a commitment to return to the course, your coaching (if you are working with a coach) and your goals is a key to moving through. Understand that this ebb and flow is a natural process.
As an Energetic/Sensual™ I have a variety of integration techniques. And yes, I am still expanding and contracting as I continue to work with the Blueprints in my own life! My Energetic BP™ integrates with alone time, qigong practice and time in nature. My Sensual BP integrates with warm, luxurious baths with lots of yummy oils, massages and hugs without agenda where I can just snuggle into my lover and enjoy the sensation of his body.
In my 4-year plus journey with the Blueprints I have crafted some enormous expansion experiences. I have written about these in previous blogs. I did an eighteen-month Sensual Blueprint expansion, fully owning this part of me and releasing the shadows. My Energetic expansion is still a work in progress with deeper shadows it has needed a slow journey with great sensitivity towards myself. I embarked on a hundred-day self-pleasure journey and took true ownership of my erotic self. (I would advise that you need a mentor for an expansion like this) This process was the one that brought me to my edges and led to a prolonged period of contraction.
Julia Cameron, in her seminal book The Artist’s Way describes the process of expansion and contraction. I see a similar process happening here as through the Blueprints we claim our erotic self. This is how Julia describes the process she see her students go through “….I see a certain amount of defiance and giddiness in the first few weeks. This entry phase is followed by explosive anger in the course’s midsection. The anger is followed by grief, then alternating waves of resistance and hope. This peaks-and-valleys phase of growth becomes a series of expansions and contractions, a birthing process in which students experience intense elation and defensive scepticism.”
If you are experiencing any or all these emotional responses know that you are not broken. And if you are embracing the Blueprints without emotional turmoil and resistance know that you too are not broken! It is not a prerequisite for success
Julia then says the students that work through this and make it to the end of the course are characterised by “increased autonomy, resilience, expectancy, and excitement……….”
Back to my contraction. An enormous expansion does not necessarily lead to an enormous contraction. In hindsight it’s lack of integration and mentorship that led to my contraction. And I do not regret it. It has been a hard place to be in but there have been some huge lessons. I found myself some mentors. With my husband we have been working with a sex coach who has taken us back to the basics. Why the basics? Because it is letting go of old ingrained patterns. 43 years of marriage has created a lot of unhelpful patterns and resistance to change.
Awareness of the waves of contraction and expansion and the process of integration has impacted all aspects of my life. I have become more aware of my emotions and body sensations. Taking the journey of experiencing all the emotions: elation, depression, anger, excitement, joy to name a few, has led to a richer, more colorful, orgasmic experience of the world. (A few snotgasms have been thrown into the mix)
Are you up for the challenge?
Your Pleasure Guide
Sex, Love & goop!
I was all set to binge watch Sex, Love & goop, when during the second episode I saw the tears rolling down my husband’s cheeks. This exquisitely produced series sensitively exposes the viewer to the deep healing work around sexuality. The diversity of couples and their guides makes the series breathtakingly beautiful. It is not to be taken lightly. Emotions will stir and realisations, those aha moments, will be experienced.
Jaiya, the creator of the Erotic Blueprints™ works with Damon and Erika to determine their Blueprint’s. A tear runs down Damon’s cheek as he experiences his body, his turn-on, in a way that both takes him by surprise and leaves him wanting to know more. This is one of many beautiful moments.
This is a time to reflect on what you are experiencing for yourself, how is your body responding? What emotions are you experiencing? Take pause and take notice.
As you journey through with the couples, whether old or young, newly formed or with many years behind them, what do you resonate with?
What experiences do they express that match your own?
What do you resist or not relate to?
What brings up a lump in your throat?
I titrated my watching of the series, taking in each episode and allowing time to consider what has been revealed. Spending time discussing each episode with my husband has brought us closer.
This series deserves watching with a friend or a group of friends and then debriefing. Ask each other what aha’s you had as you watched each of the participants.
Here are some gems that spoke to me from the series:
“A whole lot of people think that sexual compatibility is that you both like the same thing.” Michaela Boehm
“Couples who innovate last!” Jaiya
“She is not as sexually conservative as I thought!” Damon
“What they say (your partner) is wrong is hardly ever what is wrong.” Michaela Boehm
What are the standouts for you?
Any one line from this program could completely change the direction of your sex life for the better!
Pleasure Waves blog links:
Eleven Strategies FOR Couples TO Thrive IN Isolation
Here are some great ideas here for deepening your relationship, no matter what situation you find yourself in!
- Camp out or have a holiday in your home. Set up your sleeping area in another room for a couple of days and do some different things. Light a candle and sit together.
- Have agreed times where you are apart with no interruptions to pursue your own pleasure, hobbies and activities.
- Be very clear with your boundaries when one or both of you are working. Confer on setting up guidelines around noise, warmth, spaces to use and work hours.
- Take time to acknowledge each other before you “go to work” and when you finish, even if you will be in the same house or apartment all day.
- Schedule work breaks taken together at least once a day. Give each other undivided attention during this time.
- Maintain contact with friends outside your home. Set up online calls. Have a deep conversation with your friend. Ask them genuine questions about their lives.
- Use niggles with your partner to work out what you actually want. Little niggles are a goldmine of information. What is the opposite of what is upsetting you? Make a clear ask for the behaviour you would prefer and tell them why. “I feel frustrated and uptight when you ……………….. What I would love is for you to do is ……………….. “
- Dress up every few days for your partner in a way they would appreciate. Have a dinner date.
- Burn some energy. Get your heart rate up with a nitric oxide dump. Play kisschasey stripping off clothes as you go! Have fun!!!!
- Give each other thirty second hugs. This can be a huge reset. Embrace your partner, hearts aligned and take 4 or more deep breaths.
- Acknowledge the effects of isolation on you and your relationship. Openly share about what is happening for you.
Visit Esther Perel’s TED talk The secret to desire in a long-term relationship